Mid year update

About a week ago I noticed that one of my lymph nodes was tender.
The next day I had several swollen nodes in my neck and felt like crap.
At first I thought I was coming down with a cold, since I haven't been
taking that great care of myself lately. But the symptoms were a bit off,
so I re-read the list of side effects for the new meds I've been taking.
My symptoms were listed under 'Contact physician immediately'.

I'm waiting for my doctor to call me back, but she's on semi-holiday
so I have no idea when that might be. In the meantime I have switched
the new meds for ibuprofen and spend my days watching Netflix.
***UPDATE*** Doctor just called and told me to stop taking the meds,
and go to the hospital if it doesn't get better within a few days.

I'm on Instagram now. Yes, my new phone is the cat's pajamas,
making taking pictures a pure and simple joy - even in very low light.
I look forward to trying it out for real for whimsical Vanessa's
annual Mad tea Party - which is to be announced very shortly!

Tonight/tomorrow is the longest day of the year, the literal Midsummer.
I know many of you observe/celebrate so Happy Midsummer to you all!
Sweden always celebrates on a Friday, so ours won't be until the 24th.
Though, the way I'm feeling I probably won't be doing much celebrating.

To all of the winners of my giveaway a couple of months ago:
I'm so sorry I haven't gotten around to sending you your winnings yet!
I have not forgotten about you, and I will get them to all of you,
I have just been having a hard time lately. I apologize for the delay!



Feelings, nothing more than feeee-eeeelings

Some of you know what it's like; the heavy pain in your chest, the feeling like
you are trudging through water, the hopelessness, the I-can't-even-answer-the-phone.
There is something familiar about all of this, of course, but that doesn't make it better.
A couple of weeks ago I had a two days where I actually didn't feel like dying.
Turns out that was just a side effect of upping the dose of my latest anti-depressant.

There have been things about this day though, that have not made me feel
like I want to die. I walked around the garden and our large drive-way and discovered
little seedlings of things that I put in pots; lavender, sage, an unknown bushy plant.
And suddenly a taxi arrived (you may not realize how weird that is, but consider that
our own friends and relatives can't find their way out here) and had a package for me.

After 9 years with an iPhone (i2, i3?) I have gotten myself a new Android phone.
I chose the one with the best camera. That's right, ladies - and possibly one or two dudes -
I will be taking more photos. Of course, the new phone is as big and as fragile as a laptop
and I don't really know how to deal with that, but I'm hoping to figure it out soon...

In the meantime (and going back to where I started), I wanted to say something
to the friends I know are also struggling with pain, anxiety, depression and other
complicated life situations: Thank you all for continuing to share on your blogs.
I know I don't always comment (mostly because of the weird security measures
my man installed on my laptop, but also because I am feeling a bit disconnected from
the on-line world lately) but I check in, read and feel and think with you - often.

We may not have much or many to confide in, or people who will actually understand
when we do - but we do have each other. We might be on opposite sides of the world
but we found each other, and I feel like we don't forget easily. We listen and care,
and we are there for each other when we need it. And that's more than many
can say about their IRL relationships. So, you take care of yourselves ♥ ♥ ♥



The garden in June

My last entry was good clean morbid fun, to balance out the barrage
of romantic garden pictures that make up today's post :)
It's been a hot sunny month over here in southern Sweden
and the garden has really taken off.

When I moved in to my little cottage almost 10 years ago, this entry way
was completely empty. The only thing there was the ugly red wooden gate
(that we are replacing with a wrought iron arch very soon).
Now my Russian vine and lavender (and kitty scratching log)
offer a  proper greeting to any guest, and to myself when I come home.

So does my front step which, believe it or not, used to be just a row of ugly gravel.
(The rhododendron to the right has yet to find it's place in the garden
- it's one of the many autumn garden projects this year.)

One of my garden beautifying projects was making a shell stepping stone
while resetting some of the stones on the patio. It was easy with a bit of 
left over cement. I set the surrounding stones, then just poured it right in.


These babies are also waiting for their proper spots in the garden.
The crooked one is a walnut and the other a Robinia, both grown from seeds.
I am hoping they will give us some flowers or even fruit this year,
but they really have outgrown their pots. (Lettuce is sprouting underneath).

This summer anyone who invites us over is getting a sunflower...
My own are coming along nicely in between the lavender
(I will post pictured when they are further along).

Above is my latest garden project; making a natural stone border
for my neglected flower bed. The rock flour will set over the coming weeks.
In between the few surviving plants I put asphalt roofing paper, to try to get
the root weeds under control. I will remove it as I go long planting new things.



Death tag

Death:  How would you like to die?
After I have experienced some happiness. You know that "I could die right now" thing stupid people say in movies? It would be nice to have one of those moments, and then kick it. 

Death:  What would happen to your blog?
Hah - my blog? (Are you sure you are Death..?) Well, it will certainly not be anything like that lame ass movie "PS. I love you"

Death: Who will you leave money to?
I don't really have any money to speak of. Everyone who could possibly inherit make/have more than I do. But I would make sure my cats were cared for!

Death:  What happens to your body after you pass?
Whatever the survivors think should happen, I don't really care. In Sweden we most often cremate remains, but maybe I'll donate my body to science.

Death:  What do you want your funeral to be like?
This is the only one I have actually thought (long and hard) about - I want an Irish wake. You know; one of those where everyone gets shit-faced, cry and brawl? Swedes suck at grieving - at the event, and after. I hate Swedish funerals with coffee and stale cake. I want my wake at night, at a pub. Possibly with burgers.

Death:  What will you miss the most that still exists after death?
Nothing, I'm an atheist.

Death:  How will you want to be remembered?
As a big ball of crazy dark energy, because that's basically all I am. That and a cat lover. If anyone ever calls me 'creative' when remembering me, that will be a bonus.


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