Some of you know what it's like; the heavy pain in your chest, the feeling like
you are trudging through water, the hopelessness, the I-can't-even-answer-the-phone.
There is something familiar about all of this, of course, but that doesn't make it better.
A couple of weeks ago I had a two days where I actually didn't feel like dying.
Turns out that was just a side effect of upping the dose of my latest anti-depressant.
There have been things about this day though, that have not made me feel
like I want to die. I walked around the garden and our large drive-way and discovered
little seedlings of things that I put in pots; lavender, sage, an unknown bushy plant.
And suddenly a taxi arrived (you may not realize how weird that is, but consider that
our own friends and relatives can't find their way out here) and had a package for me.
After 9 years with an iPhone (i2, i3?) I have gotten myself a new Android phone.
I chose the one with the best camera. That's right, ladies - and possibly one or two dudes -
I will be taking more photos. Of course, the new phone is as big and as fragile as a laptop
and I don't really know how to deal with that, but I'm hoping to figure it out soon...
In the meantime (and going back to where I started), I wanted to say something
to the friends I know are also struggling with pain, anxiety, depression and other
complicated life situations: Thank you all for continuing to share on your blogs.
I know I don't always comment (mostly because of the weird security measures
my man installed on my laptop, but also because I am feeling a bit disconnected from
the on-line world lately) but I check in, read and feel and think with you - often.
We may not have much or many to confide in, or people who will actually understand
when we do - but we do have each other. We might be on opposite sides of the world
but we found each other, and I feel like we don't forget easily. We listen and care,
and we are there for each other when we need it. And that's more than many
can say about their IRL relationships. So, you take care of yourselves ♥ ♥ ♥