2016-06-08

Feelings, nothing more than feeee-eeeelings



Some of you know what it's like; the heavy pain in your chest, the feeling like
you are trudging through water, the hopelessness, the I-can't-even-answer-the-phone.
There is something familiar about all of this, of course, but that doesn't make it better.
A couple of weeks ago I had a two days where I actually didn't feel like dying.
Turns out that was just a side effect of upping the dose of my latest anti-depressant.

There have been things about this day though, that have not made me feel
like I want to die. I walked around the garden and our large drive-way and discovered
little seedlings of things that I put in pots; lavender, sage, an unknown bushy plant.
And suddenly a taxi arrived (you may not realize how weird that is, but consider that
our own friends and relatives can't find their way out here) and had a package for me.

After 9 years with an iPhone (i2, i3?) I have gotten myself a new Android phone.
I chose the one with the best camera. That's right, ladies - and possibly one or two dudes -
I will be taking more photos. Of course, the new phone is as big and as fragile as a laptop
and I don't really know how to deal with that, but I'm hoping to figure it out soon...

In the meantime (and going back to where I started), I wanted to say something
to the friends I know are also struggling with pain, anxiety, depression and other
complicated life situations: Thank you all for continuing to share on your blogs.
I know I don't always comment (mostly because of the weird security measures
my man installed on my laptop, but also because I am feeling a bit disconnected from
the on-line world lately) but I check in, read and feel and think with you - often.

We may not have much or many to confide in, or people who will actually understand
when we do - but we do have each other. We might be on opposite sides of the world
but we found each other, and I feel like we don't forget easily. We listen and care,
and we are there for each other when we need it. And that's more than many
can say about their IRL relationships. So, you take care of yourselves ♥ ♥ ♥




 




28 kommentarer:

  1. I could hug you right now. And probably give you a few kisses, too. I love this post and completely agree with your thoughts on friendship, sharing, and the importance of remembering the we have each other. When life gets extra tough, few things help as much as keeping in mind that we have people (even if they are on the other side of the globe) who are there for us.

    And yay! for a new phone and camera. Perfect for garden updates. ♥♥♥

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Some days my man tells me to go blogging because I'm so sad he knows a little bit of blog love is the only thing that can make me feel better <3

      It has taken me a few days to dare to approach all the functions on my new phone, but once I started taking pictures - wow. I'm very happy with it.

      Radera
  2. Congrats on the new phone! I am really looking forward to seeing all the new pictures you'll post! I love seeing what my friends do with their houses and gardens, and adore kitty pictures. It's like seeing into their world for a tiny moment and with the words on the blog, it's almost like a brief visit. Sort of like saying, "Okay, I'm stopping by so and so's house for a few minutes to see what they have been up to and catch up." Maybe that's weird, though, I don't know.
    I love this blog that you've written. I do know what it is like not being able to answer the phone or the door. Sometimes it feels for as many steps as I make forward, I make a lot backward or it seems that I didn't really move at all.
    I hate that you suffer so much, that anyone suffers from the things we do, but there is a kind of beauty in that we are connected and there for each other even far far away as we all are. I think it's kind of like saying, "Fuck you" to the depression and anxiety in a way, "you may be plaguing us, but we have each other and that's more powerful than you are", just because there is a certain understanding and kinship in knowing we aren't alone.
    Okay, now I think I am rambling, so I am going to leave it there *HUGS*

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. I like your rambling reply, it was very sweet, thank you <3

      The best posts to visit for me too, are the once where we get a peek into a blog friends life. When we get to see how the live, both physically and mentally.

      But often times I wish you all lived closer!

      Radera
    2. I wish my blog friends lived closer as well. :)

      Radera
  3. Yea for seedlings & competent taxi drivers! I hope you find a med that works for you soonest.

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. The taxi thing was completely unexpected - that's not how mail usually gets delivered in Sweden :)

      Radera
  4. Well, that's a lot more than I can say about my IRL relationships, I value my online and blog friends much more because although we are, in face on opposite sides of the world, I feel we share more with each other through our posts and we have deeper connections. When I have something to vent about, I post it on my blog rather, than calling someone to have a chat IRL.

    Congrats on the new phone, I hope it has some awesome macro feature, so you can take amazing photos in your garden! ;)

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Yeah, it's a bit sad how difficult it is to find people IRL who are like us, and who are really there for us :(

      Don't know what 'macro' is but I'm sure to find out!

      Radera
  5. Sometimes a day in the garden is all you need to make everything better. And a fancy new phone! I can't wait to see all the new pics. :)

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Thank you! You have a lovely purple garden too, I love seeing your pictures.

      Radera
  6. I love our blogging community's strong virtual connections. I'm drawn to those who share their life as it really is not sugar coated and watered down. Thanks for always keeping it real. Can't wait to see the pics you capture with the new phone.

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Yes, we are lucky to have found (and I guess also founded) a group of such awesome gals, with such a strong presence <3

      Radera
  7. In your darkest moments, remember that you have a garden. And I cannot wait to see more photos.

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Thank you! You always say the nicest things about my garden, even though it's a weedy mess <3

      Radera
  8. Sending you the BIGGEST HUG!!! Always be you and remember, we are always here for you! Thanks for being real! Congrats on your new phone! I can't wait to see some very beautiful pictures!

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. I'm already blown away by the phone camera and I will certainly be posting tons of pictures! Are you on Instagram?

      Radera
  9. I kknow that feeling! Cherish the moments of happiness like your little plants! I love my online friends too!

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Thanks <3 Do you have a small garden or balcony to grow things, Laura?

      Radera
  10. Wise words, and I believe they give strength to others of this online community. ^_^ For me they do.

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Thank you, Jade. It's really nice to know when someone appreciates your words <3

      Radera
  11. Raise awareness and sympathy! I'm in the great position that I never struggled much with anxiety or depression. But I try to support my (online) friends with these problems whereever I can. There is nothing worng with you when you don't function. It might as well be the environment you are in... *hugs*

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Thanks! It's too bad people and the social environment is everywhere...

      Radera
  12. Such beautiful words. It is a struggle, but somehow you just get through day by day, and know that you're not alone. I for one am always around somewhere ♥

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. You're so sweet, Yvonne, thank you <3

      Radera
  13. {{{{{HUGS!!!}}}}}
    blessings
    ~*~

    SvaraRadera

Lately I have been falling behind answering comments, for many reasons. But I read and cherish all of them! Your comments make my day, yay!

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