Ok, this is out of character, and I know it will be weird reading this.
Not just because I'm child-free by choice, but also because
I never write about this stuff, and because most of us are at an age
when we have left this behind us for good. But this is what's been
going on around me lately, and I just needed to write things down.
The infertile woman
The first story is about the woman who never had a normal period in her life and who,
as it turns out, only has deformed eggs, even after months of hormone treatment.
Her husband would not even consider having other kids than "his own"
and cheated on her with one of their best friends, while she was doing IVF.
The same woman met a new man at the age of 35 and in the beginning
they were both in agreement over making a child-free life for themselves.
But while not using protection (because of the mixture of resignation and hope)
it soon crept in to conversation. The state sanctioned health care in Sweden
doesn't have a plan for preparing couples for childlessness, instead they just keep on
encouraging, administering and injecting (free of charge) until all hope is gone.
So, the woman once again went through hormone treatments and IVF
with failed results, followed by therapy and a lot of sadness and guilt.
After a year of heartbreak the new man had had enough and moved out.
Just about the same time her ex-husband called her up to tell her about his new baby.
Talking to her now, she still can't wrap her head around where it all went wrong.
The baby mama
This woman grew up in a very unstable home with a mother with at least
one mental disorder and a father decades older than his spouse.
Her childhood was horrible, and as a result she fled in to the arms of the
first man who would have her. Unfortunatley it was a man from a culture
where women don't work, where men aren't really expected to be faithful,
and where unmarried women who have children are reduced to being someone's
"baby mama". Feminism doesn't even exist in his country.
Now, all this girl wanted was a new family, to have children - and she was madly in love.
She didn't really care about the hows or the wheres. After two miscarriages
it was discovered that she needed a simple surgery to maintain the pregnancy.
By the time she and her man (who quickly finds a woman on any continent,
and subsequently procreates) finally carried a child to term she was alone.
"Her man" was thrown out of the country, and after touring the world
apparently now he is married and living with a new woman in the States,
while our girl is raising two of his children, alone in Sweden.
The infertile couple
She never had a proper fertile period - He never had a good sperm count.
But "thanks" to all the thoughtless doctors who prescribed the pill to millions
of women over the last 40 years (Flashback: "There are no side-effects."
- spoken by a doctor to 17-year-old me) she never even knew there was
an issue until she got married and started trying. And he didn't get a sperm count
until he was 36 (which showed live sperm was pretty much non-existent)
because still no-one is talking to our boys about fertility, problems or fatherhood.
They have been together for almost 20 years, but so far their IVF has been unsuccessful.
At a party a few years ago she clearly stated that if she couldn't have kids
her life wasn't worth living and she might as well die. A couple of months ago
my man got a text saying they were divorcing, but they are still at it.
Last time we saw them though, they weren't even talking to each other.
The unlucky body
This woman has struggled with a chaotic family and severe depression
for most of her life. As far as I know she's still on anti-depressants
(which is in no way uncommon). To add insult to injury, for many years
she had a hard time conceiving. When she finally did she had the most horrible pain
and was rushed to the hospital. She was having an ectopic pregnancy and they had to
remove both her fetus and one of her ovaries - cutting her chances in half.
After years or fretting she finally did carry to term and had a healthy baby.
I think she and her man are actually pretty happy together and will make it through.
Naturally she has made a cocoon around her and her family now and I haven't
heard from her since the naming party. But I hope she and her family is doing ok.