Fear and blogging

 I have been so scared for so long. Scared that I'm broken
and that I have nothing anyone would want in a personal relationship,
and scared that I'm a failure with nothing to contribute in a professional sense.
I have also been terrified that nothing will ever change.

This fear has manifested itself in my blogging, which has been unfocused,
spotty and weak, at a time when I actually have had time on my hands
to turn it in to something better. The internet has also been a scary place
lately, full of angry racism, feminist backlash and stupid stupid media.

When I started blogging I wrote about personal stuff (has since been removed),
but after a year or two something changed. More followers meant catering
to a bigger crowd. I started second guessing every post that wasn't about easy stuff,
like interior design, and many posts just never saw the light of day.
I was also very aware of not posting too many text-only entries.

One of my diagnoses is GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), which means
I worry about every single thing all of the time - and I am just so fed up with it.
I feel like I am breaking myself in half trying to anticipate people's reactions,
prepare for worst case scenarios, fearing people's (and my own) judgment.

So I am rethinking the 'personal' aspect of this blog. Hence some of the more
personal ramblings of late. I always enjoy reading my blog friends' personal posts
much more than say, outfit posts. So from now on there will be less censoring
of myself on here. I hope I don't loose any blog friends in the process.


17 kommentarer:

  1. It's more important for you to be yourself -- blog what you want and as you see fit!

  2. You can never lose me, no matter how hard you try! LOL

    But sometimes I won't comment, because I second guess every thing I want to say fearing it will be the wrong thing . So you'll understand that I've read it but don't know what to say, right? <3

  3. I can relate, unfortunately I just had a panick attack this morning. I read personal information especially when it echoes my own experience. So I won't be part of the followers you might lose! Love XOXO

  4. It seems that Jonquil (Petoskystone) and I continue to agree. I am glad you have chosen to let yourself be. At the same time, I will say that I'm a firm believer in the go-with-flow theory: if you feel like taking it easy one day, do; if you feel like spreading your heart and numbering the bits, do that too. We are human individuals. Even if we want to, we can't schedule our emotions (or what they produce) like if we were robots.

  5. Blogging and reading the follow up comments can often take the edge of depression and anxiety (it did for me, at any rate). I'm all for people expressing their feelings and emotions in blog posts, it makes me feel more connected to the blogger in question, and as Magaly said, you should definitely feel free to go with the flow. ♥

  6. Let it out all, I say! It's cathartic. :) I appreciate personal posts, it allows me to see that there is a real person behind all the OOTDs and product reviews. I found myself wavering between keeping the personal posts and deleting others from my blog, and I will be getting rid of many of them, but only those that have been published months ago. Because my personal posts are untagged most people don't read them beyond their publication date. No one actively searches for my personal blog posts, I feel they're just taking up space now. All the comments will be saved and the posts transferred to a private blog, so I'll have the memories but not the clutter.

  7. The blogs that I enjoy reading the most are personal. I stopped blogging about movies ages ago now because it just gets boring talking about the same old things. I try to add a more personal point of view to my new blog now. And sometimes fashion too. :)

  8. I love reading personal blog posts. I don't blog many of them anymore myself, I mean nothing too personal, but like Ladyfair said above it is cathartic.

  9. I know it's easier said than done... but try and please yourself when blogging, and not worry about the audience reading it. The one thing I know for sure is that you can't please everybody and there will always be critics. If you please yourself, then at least one person will be pleased for sure. ♥

  10. You will not lose me! Be you my friend! Be real! Love yourself! Do what you want to do! Post what you want to post! Fear is a horrible thing! I experienced a year of fear and I never want to go back there again! I understand! Big Hugs!

  11. Yep, anxiety does suck! I know the feeling! I am always interested in your life!

  12. Feel free to be yourself, this is your corner of the Internet! So far, I really liked to get to know you better! *hugs*

  13. I say blog about personal stuff if you want to. The blogs I lose interest in are the ones in which people are obviously overglamorizing their lives. I like honest bloggers; people who are real.

    And similar to the comment from Insomniac's Attic... I often don't comment because I second- and third- and fourth-guess everything, and I write and re-write... and finally give up. But I'm here and I'm reading, even if I don't know what to say.

  14. It's good to be transparent and real. This is how I live. No hidden feelings, just being myself. If people don't like it, maybe they need to try it too. I am an Empath which means I also feel, see, and hear everything and assimilate it and like what I like and discard what I don't like. But I am always true to myself. So, none of us should ever have to apologize for who we are. We are all individuals and that is what makes the world so amazing! Focus is the word I have used for the past two years when I feel myself being too concerned about world events when there is not much I can do about them myself. Create your heart out, or whatever you love to do and center yourself in your creative muse. It really works! Let go of the negative.
    Teresa in California

  15. I think if anyone has a problem with it, they don't deserve you. Gods know I vent and rant on my blog.
    The problem with anxiety, I think, is that it makes the being scared worse. In my own way, I understand being scared. I am actually about to address some of that on my own blog.

  16. I think it shows courage that you decide to be more open about your personal life. And I guess it'll show who really are friends and who are merely acquaintances of your fellow bloggers. :) Writing publicly about one's private life and feelings puts one into a spotlight. It is a risk, one can not control or foresee what others will do or say. But sometimes it is worth the risk. :)

    And sometimes even if some people do not react immediately it does not mean they are rejecting you. I for example have been very exhausted and suffered from depressive thoughts and anxiety for the past couple of months and thus have been unable to comment to other people's blogs. I've felt incompetent and that I am unable to express my compassion with mere words and common idioms. I hope you understand what I now try to say?


Lately I have been falling behind answering comments, for many reasons. But I read and cherish all of them! Your comments make my day, yay!

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