2016-02-28

February update



Well, I am officially on sick leave, but don't know yet if I will get benefits.
 I see a therapist every week and a doctor once a month, and they both actually
seem to know what they're doing. I cried all night after seeing the doctor
for the first time - she was the first person I have ever met who understood.
I had never really before considered how lonely it is to be like me, to go 40 years
- and despite 20 years of asking for help - never finding a single person
who can relate. It was a bit of a revelation once it finally happened.

 A couple of weeks ago the house started stinking like a sewer
and after inspecting the cellar I realized the kitchen drain was leaking,
but we couldn't tell if the pipe was burst or if the big drain was backed up.
So we cleaned the drain and for a couple of days we didn't use the kitchen.
When it was all dry I ran the dishwasher, keeping an eye on what was what.
That was when I saw that not only is it leaking in to the cellar,
it is also leaking through the 40 cm outer wall, coming out on the outside...
Now we're doing the dishes in the shower, I'm calling the plumbers tomorrow
and there's a chance we will have to take down part of the outer wall :(

The sale of the store has gone through and on the 16th I'm handing over the key.
Since it was the building company itself that bought the locale from us they don't want
any of the merchandise. So next week I'm hosting a 3-day super sale,
but I will still be left with so much stuff I don't know what to do with.
If any of you blog friends lived anywhere remotely close I would invite
you over to take what you wanted in exchange for dinner and debauchery :)

I don't know what to do after I completely close the 'store chapter' of my life.
It's been 7 years. Studying didn't really suit me, and looking for a regular job
is complicated for someone like me. But staying at home doing nothing,
feeling like crap, is just not an option either. I feel lost. My therapist asked me
if I couldn't just rest a bit in knowing that I was allowed some sick leave.
Me: "HAH! ...wait, can other people actually do that..?"




 



28 kommentarer:

  1. I'm wishing you all the best!!! I am so happy you have found a doctor that understands you! You have to make sure to keep loving yourself! The most important thing you can do in life! I hope you don't have to take down the outer part of the wall! Look deep inside you, for what you have to do next! You will find the answer! Hugs!

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Thank you for your encouragement! I haven't loved myself in decades, my therapist says she has never met anyone harder on themselves. At this point I'd settle for acceptance :)

      Radera
  2. March will bring Spring and new beginnings!

    SvaraRadera
  3. I hope the wall doesn't suffer too much. When it comes to you and your health, I hope you can find a way to rest for a while. Remember that you don't have to just sit home and do nothing. This would be a perfect opportunity to work on some serious writing, for instance... You can use the time to do research for future projects, to search for ways to deal with your condition (since no one knows your body and mind better than you do). Just a thought...

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. These are all great ideas, if only I could muster up the interest and/or energy... My man thinks I should apply to Mensa :)

      Radera
  4. Leaking sewage is horrible! I wish that you can solve this problem really quickly...

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Yes, and expensive! They wanted 500 euro just to flush and document the leaky pipe.

      Radera
  5. Oh, I hope you can fix that leaking pipe without having to tear down the wall...:/
    It's understandable that you feel a little confused and lost right now, because it's quite a lengthy chapter you're looking forward to close, but once it's over, I think you'll know what to do. Perhaps a few weeks of resting and soul searching would do you good after all.^^

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Thank you, and I think you are right. In two weeks I hand over the key and that will be such a load off!

      Radera
  6. Jag säger så här: Följ hennes råd. Om du har fått tillräckligt med sjukskrivningstid så är det ju bra om du i lugn och ro kan återhämta dig. Din inspiration kommer nog snart och då vet du vad du ska/kan/vill :-). Jag är så glad för din skull att du äntligen har mött rätt personer som förstår dig. Ta hand om dig <3

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Tack så mycket, rara du!
      Jag fick bara 6 veckor första omgången, ska tillbaka imorgon för att se om jag kanske kan få lite till.

      Radera
  7. Aww :( First, I'm happy to hear you've had a breakthrough. I know it can be difficult finding a therapist you can connect with. The leak sounds awful, I hope the damage isn't too costly and it can be fixed up. We've had a recurring problem with our washing machine overflowing and leaking, so I've had to raise up everything in the basement away from the drain area. There's no doubt about it, water problems are a b*tch.

    Congrats on the sale of your shop! You could try selling off products on Etsy, but it's a lot of work. Hopefully you'll clear out in your super sale. I agree with your therapist that maybe you do need some time to break and do a bit of soul searching. It's unfortunate that your studies weren't any help. I keep mulling over the idea of returning to school but I can't for the life of me think of what to take. I'm sick of working in a factory and I don't want an average job for the rest of my days. Like you, I'll be doing a lot of self exploration. Hopefully I can find a career that pays well enough. I hope you're able to find your calling, too. You're really talented with your miniatures, maybe you could do something with that?
    Best wishes!:)
    *hugs*

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Thank you, you are so sweet!
      I agree, water problems are just so destructive and costly :(

      It's very hard getting any money for on-line sales, and shipping costs from Sweden usually deter people. The sale went well but I still have lots of stuff. I am toying with the idea of doing another super-sale in another small town nearby, just for a weekend.

      I had so much fun with my houses/shadowboxes, but I'm still very much a newbie and I don't know if you can actually make money off such things..?

      Hugs!

      Radera
  8. Walls being taken down physically and perhaps figuratively? Hmm

    Water leaks and damage are no fun but more importantly I'm so glad that there's a little hope in finding medical professionals who may be able to help you.

    Thinking of you and sending your home and you healthy restorative vibes.

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Touché :)
      Agreed, taking in the big picture, a leaky pipe is barely worth worrying about. But you know adulthood - many things are graded by how expensive they are...

      Radera
  9. It would be good if you could rest and just take the sick leave. But I know what you mean with feeling like you can't just do nothing. It must be weird and sad to let go of your shop though!

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. True, I need to make/do/be something, or it's just me and my dark mind, spiraling...

      Radera
  10. Glad to read you again, and that you found the right doctor.

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Thank you, it does feel right this time.

      Radera
  11. I am glad the store has finally sold! You sound a bit like my boyfriend, he hates to be doing nothing! Maybe you can discover a new favourite author or make outfits for the cats? Focus on getting better! Sending so much love!

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Hah - cat outfits :)
      I don't know if I hate doing nothing, or if I just feel so worthless when I'm not making any money, just "leeching" you know.

      Radera
  12. It sounds like you've had a lot going on. I'm glad you found a good doctor. I think it really is okay to take some time for you to just rest and reflect. I hope the plumbing issue is something easily resolved.

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Thank you, It is a very different feeling knowing I have a "safety net" now.

      Radera
  13. I hope the closing and sale of the store goes smoothly. Best wishes with the new doctor. xoxo Su

    SvaraRadera

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