November update

I usually have the worst case of Halloween withdrawal
and I throw myself into the Yule season as soon as I can
- in part to make up for the withdrawal, in part because I had to
decorate the store for Yule early, and in part because I love Yule
as much as I do Halloween (albeit in a completely different way).

But this year, November's introspection suits me and I was done
with Halloween as soon as the 1st rolled around (shock! horror!).
I have been spending hours staring out the window at the changing leaves,
contemplating my past, future and present. I am removing color
from my surroundings, wanting only clean and sombre black.

I have finished my exams and have no more classes.
From now until Yule am supposed to work on my degree paper,
but I find myself without any motivation. Instead of studying
I sleep in, paint stuff, do chores and spend time on Facebook.
I'm sure this is familiar to anyone who went to Uni...

I have had to accept that we probably won't be able to sell
the store until next year, when the scaffolding and building waste
are gone and people can find their way back to the square.
Hopefully though, we will get some compensation in the meantime.

Several cats have descended on our property lately,
scaring my boy and fighting with my girl. About a month ago
her eye was scratched so badly we had to take her to the vet,
and she had a cloudy eye for several weeks while it healed.
Every night I'm out there trying to scare them off. I hate it.

I have not been keeping up with commenting on blog posts
this last month, even though I do visit you guys. I apologize.
I find myself constantly thinking; I'll come back and comment
when I feel better. But I have been very low on energy.
I am seeing my doctor on Monday, and I am going to ask her
about a couple of unusual/experimental drugs. This latest
anti-anxiety drug I was on just confirmed that underneath it all
I really have nothing but a black pit of depression. But I am not
giving up until I have tried every treatment possibly imagined.

Thank you all for the kind and encouraging words you left
on my previous post. For a shut-in like myself, on-line friendships
are very important, and I am grateful that you listen to even
my ugliest truths without judgement. You guys are the best.


28 kommentarer:

  1. Great to you hear your finding yourself help.and finding time to outlet on the stuff that makes you have that positive energy in life. Good luck with everything. Hun

  2. Hang in there, you got this. If you ever need someone to talk to, reach out! I am here for you, sweetie.

    1. You're the sweetest, Sylvie. Thank you <3

  3. Sending you lots of love and support. FYI: cayenne powder (and lots of it) is good to secure your boundary from stray cats. They hate it. I'm not sure if your girl would appreciate it, but at least it will keep her safe and close to the house.

    May the end of November and the impending Yule season bring you comfort and focus.

    1. Thanks for the tip! I have only seen one of the cats since the rains came, hopefully the cold will keep them away long enough for them to forget about us :)

      I would love some comfort and focus, thank you!

  4. Thanks for visiting the Haunted Parlor and for the comments. I love my online friends too and enjoy reading your posts and comments.

  5. It's great to read/hear from you. I always have a nasty Halloween withdrawal as I always I didn't do enough. But now I am ready for the next by holiday.

    1. November is almost over, time for Yule!

  6. Hey sweetie
    Don't apologize to me, I know what it is to postpone everything because you lack energy. Thanks you anyways for your nice comments. I don't think blue shetters are specifically French (?). France is facing a major crisis at the moment : terrorists shots dozens of people in the capital city. Not a good time to visit the country. I hope the government wil do everything to protect our population. Hugz

    1. I have been thinking about you since the attack, how are you doing?

      But yes, the blue shutters are VERY French :)

  7. I figured it was just my semester but everyone this year seems to be behind in something. I am catching up on reading posts and commenting.

    As for the paper, schedule some time daily rather you want to or not just to make your life easier in the future.

    Hang in there, friend! Light and love! Have I mentioned my ridiculous trick to "say Monkey" when you're down. Say Monkey! It's silly and makes you smile partly because it is silly and partly because the word forms the mouth into a smile.

    1. Monkey, huh? :)

      That's some good advice about the writing. I just don't know how to make myself care enough at the very moment. The new meds are also messing with me. I keep waiting for some calm and inspiration.

  8. Sending loads of love! My partner's family's cat is a sooky old girl and runs inside any time neighbour cats come by! I always say we should get her a big tough tom to beat up the mean cats for her, although I am not sure if that is a solution that works in real life, I guess he would have to love her and hate the others!

    1. Thank you!
      Both our cats are neutered so our boy is just a silly cuddly little wuss while our girl does all the fighting. But she can't take them all on alone, especially the big tomcats.

  9. I hope you can keep your kitties from getting spooked and hurt. The cloudy eye thing your girl had sounds scary.

    About procrastination, you're right, I think each of us has done it when it comes to school. We find all kinds of nonsense to do, but what we must, then we finish what we have to finish in a rush panic.

    I'm very happy that you stop by and read what others write, even if you don't comment... It seems that even when you're keeping to yourself, you continue doing... That's what matters most--the pit is there, close (sometimes we are even in it) but as long as we remember that there is an outside, there is a bit of hope.

    I hope the doctors can come up with something that works. I really, really, really hope. ♥

    1. Thank you, my dearest. I am (not so) patiently waiting for the meds to do their thing, but hope is dangerous when one has been let down so many times. Facebook and blog friends help alot <3

  10. Your post has the Rolling Stones song Paint It Black going on in my brain. What ever feels good, do it. I'm looking forward to your Yule celebrations if you choose to share them with us. I love the picture landscape you posted on facebook,something mystical and magical about the scene.

    1. That's how my man feels about the seasons and where we live - he's from southern Cali as well :)
      I will be sharing some Yule on my blog, I hope you do too!

  11. I've got a lot going on right now, so I haven't been around Blogland too much, but I just saw your Facebook post and wanted to come and show my support! Sending you best wishes and hugs across the seas! ❤

    1. That's very sweet of you, Emma! I have noticed that you have been absent, I hope it's not all bad things.

  12. Hi, I completely understand having little to no energy. I've had a bad bout of it lately myself and yes, more problems with my depression. It sucks and I really wish you weren't having trouble too.

    I am sorry about your poor girl kitty. Is she feeling better now? Are the other cats still coming to your house since you've been scaring them off? It would be nice if they would all play nicely together.


    1. My girl is fine now, thank you. It was so scary though, and I blamed myself for not keeping a better eye on them. Since the bad weather I don't see the other cats as much, hopefully they'll move on.


Lately I have been falling behind answering comments, for many reasons. But I read and cherish all of them! Your comments make my day, yay!

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