I usually have the worst case of Halloween withdrawal
and I throw myself into the Yule season as soon as I can
- in part to make up for the withdrawal, in part because I had to
decorate the store for Yule early, and in part because I love Yule
as much as I do Halloween (albeit in a completely different way).
But this year, November's introspection suits me and I was done
with Halloween as soon as the 1st rolled around (shock! horror!).
I have been spending hours staring out the window at the changing leaves,
contemplating my past, future and present. I am removing color
from my surroundings, wanting only clean and sombre black.
I have finished my exams and have no more classes.
From now until Yule am supposed to work on my degree paper,
but I find myself without any motivation. Instead of studying
I sleep in, paint stuff, do chores and spend time on Facebook.
I'm sure this is familiar to anyone who went to Uni...
I have had to accept that we probably won't be able to sell
the store until next year, when the scaffolding and building waste
are gone and people can find their way back to the square.
Hopefully though, we will get some compensation in the meantime.
Several cats have descended on our property lately,
scaring my boy and fighting with my girl. About a month ago
her eye was scratched so badly we had to take her to the vet,
and she had a cloudy eye for several weeks while it healed.
Every night I'm out there trying to scare them off. I hate it.
I have not been keeping up with commenting on blog posts
this last month, even though I do visit you guys. I apologize.
I find myself constantly thinking; I'll come back and comment
when I feel better. But I have been very low on energy.
I am seeing my doctor on Monday, and I am going to ask her
about a couple of unusual/experimental drugs. This latest
anti-anxiety drug I was on just confirmed that underneath it all
I really have nothing but a black pit of depression. But I am not
giving up until I have tried every treatment possibly imagined.
Thank you all for the kind and encouraging words you left
on my previous post. For a shut-in like myself, on-line friendships
are very important, and I am grateful that you listen to even
my ugliest truths without judgement. You guys are the best.