2014-11-04

Life after Halloween



I don't know about you guys, but my October was crazy!
I feel like it went by in a blur, with all the planning and partying.
Though it was pretty wonderful, I feel completely exhausted
of all my Halloween energy and in need of a break.

Since we don't celebrate Thanksgiving in Sweden,
November is really all about nesting and contemplation.
We will be making fires, drinking tea, reading and sleeping.
 





I didn't feel like talking about my issues in the middle of
all the great Halloween blogging, but next to all the spooky fun
it has also been a bit of a trying month for me (and my man).

My medicine is still aggravating my insomnia, and is still causing
sweats and dehydration. The latest side effect is mild facial eczema.
On the other hand, my anxiety, sadness and anger have all lessened.
 On yet the other hand, so have some of my passions.

But, I don't hate myself as much anymore. I don't obsess over
every detail of every single conversation or interaction I have.
I don't take things as personally, and I don't cry as much.
 
I guess what I'm wondering is; What will now fill that space?





 




45 kommentarer:

  1. I am sorry to hear that you had such a trying month. I hope that things will balance out with your medication as well. I imagine that is really rough to deal with. Best of wishes!

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. It can be very rough in the beginning of trying out any mood drug, to the point where you don't even recognize your own thoughts or emotions. But far worse is trying drug after drug and having them all do absolutely nothing for you, like I did for many years.

      Radera
  2. I hear you - the post Halloween blues are getting me down too. On one hand, I am happy the stress is over, on the other what to do now? I think exercise might make me feel better. And a better diet. I hope your health improves. I certainly enjoy your blog.

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. I'm actually starting to think that I need a new project, like Yule :)

      Thank you!

      Radera
  3. What will now fill that space? Enjoying life, I hope!

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. That would be nice! But it's not always as easy as that- I have to retrain my 37-year-old clinically depressed brain to feel things like happiness and contentment.

      Radera
  4. It's good to hear some balance is developing. I'm constantly having to tell my mind to shut up and I'm bi-polar without meds, so I'm one crazy bitch must of the time . This time before Thanksgiving I'm deep cleaning the whole homestead in and out.It's almost layoff time for the hubby so it will be a very crafty Christmas. Hope you find many wonderful things to fill the void.

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. It's funny to see you call yourself "bi-polar if without meds" since I feel like I will always call myself depressed, whether on drugs or not - kind of like an alcoholic. But maybe when I've been on meds for years I will change that statement :)

      Radera
    2. I meant I'm bi-polar but don't take medication for it. Probably the reason I'm an alcoholic, trying to tame the beast one way or another ;)

      Radera
  5. Aw : ( I'm sorry to hear you're still struggling. The med I tried for my anxiety made me feel that way, I knew I wanted to do things but the ideas and motivation were lost. For an artist that's the worst thing to happen. I'm hoping eventually you'll find a balance on your medication, where maybe those passions will re-emerge, or you'll find treatment that helps you feel better than this.

    It's funny that you mention November as being holiday-less, aside from Remembrance day... Which I wouldn't call a holiday at all... Nothing really happens in Canada. I think that's why so many people and retailers begin the Christmas celebrations with parades this month because otherwise November is a very depressing time. I'd love another holiday in November, like maybe one about cupcakes or masquerade parties lol.

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. I think we will have to instate a Cupcake and Masquerade holiday immediately! SOunds divine.

      Did you give the meds some proper time (2-3 months) when you tried them, before you stopped? Because I have noticed that my passions are only slowly coming back now. Doctors say you'll feel the effect within 1 month, but they never tell you when exactly you will have reached the desired result...

      Radera
  6. I hope in November you will find something to smile about. I am looking forward to getting together with my family.

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Thank you, I think I will dive right into Yule preparations - that usually makes me feel better :)

      Radera
  7. Ah, I'm so sorry to hear that you're still struggling with these issues; it's really sad because you're such a lovely, smart young woman, you're successful and loved. As far as I can tell you have absolutely no reason to hate yourself. Try to get some rest after this crazy month and perhaps, the meds can take effect and help you find balance with time. :)

    I'm looking forward to a quiet November as well, but that's a good thing because I need to prepare for the Christmass craziness...;)

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. That is so sweet of you to say! I think many women can't help but hating themselves in this world, though there is nothing whatsoever wrong with them.

      I will try to get some rest, but I am already looking forward to the Yule craziness :=

      Radera
  8. First, virtual long-distance hug.

    Now, how to fill the space... how about nesting and contemplation with fires, tea, reading and sleeping?

    Wishing you light and love, and the feeling that Halloween continues if just in our hearts.

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Thank you, blog love feels really good when everything is cold, wet and bleak outside the window.

      Radera
  9. Hoping the reactions from the medicine will stop and things will get better. Reading sounds good. Sometimes we just need a rest and to think about new things to do in the future! Hugs!

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. It is so true, as soon as Halloween was over my brain kicked in to Yule preparation gear! But I will take a rest first, for a week or two.

      Radera
  10. I hope happiness will fill that space! ❤ Enjoy the "fires, drinking tea, reading and sleeping"... sounds blissful to me!

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Thank you, I hope I can learn what happiness is like - it's pretty good, from what I hear :)

      Radera
  11. That seems to be pretty hard to do, figuring out what to let your mind wrap around. I'm glad the symptoms have lessened. It's a terrible side effect to lose your passions though. I think reading is a great idea.

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. I think, and hope, that my passions are slowly returning. Still, after two months, am I not sure exactly what the drug is doing to me and where I will end up.

      Radera
  12. I just showed your post to my Piano Man, and told him, "See? I wasn't the only one who didn't want to ruin Halloween with my health blues." (although I slipped a time or three). I hope those meds begin to work properly soon. Ups and downs and looking for relief all around kind of sucks. I know.

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. It seems like you have had a rough couple of months too, and I'm sorry about that. But yes, why ruin a perfectly yummy Halloween post streak with depressing health stuff? :) Honestly, I knew I could and would write about it later, I even prepared the post a few weeks ago. I hope we both feel better soon.

      Radera
  13. I second what Little Gothic Horror said! We are here to rant, chat with at any time, from now till Summer ( spring seems to be a distant memory now) I fight everyday to march on!
    So Loud Favorite, shake your butt music, baking, reading and trying to create will be my Distraction from the gloomy months!
    Take care of you! xoDebi

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. I will try, thank you Debi!
      Shaking my butt to loud music has been a while, I should get right on that :)

      Radera
  14. Your blog is facking AMAZING! i saty here ;-)
    see u soon
    xoxo
    KS

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. I am very glad you like it, and I'm glad to make a new acquaintance!

      Radera
  15. Jag tycker också oktober bara svepte förbi. I år ska vi dock prova fira en riktig Thanksgiving med all mat som hör därtill, det blir spännande :'D

    Vad hemskt när medicin på verkar en så mycket :/

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Det låter så himla trevligt och gott! Den enda Thanksgiving jag firade i USa var vegetariansk...

      Ja, det är jobbigt just nu, men det känns ändå rätt. Hur går det för dig?

      Radera
  16. I am sorry to hear October was a trying month. It sounds like some positive things have been happening though. I hope November is a much better month. Try and plan something fun for you and your love. Maybe a little trip before the holidays. Take good care!!

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Thank you!
      It seems everyone thinks I should plan something during November, so you are probably right :)

      Radera
  17. October is always madly busy for me. I went on two trips last month, partook in two blog parties, got the flu, and did oodles of course work. I am so pleased to rest a bit in November. I am sorry to hear that your medication has some good and some bad effects. It is unfortunate that you have to trade off some good things to get rid of some bad ones.

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Oh, I'm sorry you got the flu! I don't know if I've ever really had it, it sounds gruesome.

      Two trips, huh? That sounds like fun. It's been a long while since I was anywhere further than 45 min by car.

      Radera
  18. Ah, this is the post I missed!

    October is always a hectic month, and doesn't it always seem to fly by? How does the saying go..."time flies when you're having fun".

    I really feel for you, lovely lady.

    I had to take anti-depressants for quite a few years, until I realised they caused a lot of extra symptoms too. I thought long and hard about what was causing the depression and anxiety, and set about trying to sort those things out. It wasn't easy, but I eventually stopped taking the pills. I still get anxious from time to time, but I know how to keep it at bay most days.

    I won't even begin to say I know what you're going through, because every single person is different. All I can say is I know it's really hard, and I hope you can eventually find a balance that works for you. ♥

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. I never found anything that worked for me until now, so I'm probably years from getting off them - but that's ok, as long as they help me. I've been depressed for at least 20 years, but I've never really wanted to take meds before. I guess I just had enough, the world just always seemed like such an unwelcoming place, life seemed so unfair.

      It's really good to hear from someone who can relate, even though I'm sorry you also had to fight the demon.

      Radera
  19. I'm really sorry you've been having trouble with the medicine. The side effects don't sound very fun but if the pay off is better? Then maybe it's okay? If it's not then I wish you luck in finding something different that's a better fit. As for some of the things that you were more passionate about, sometimes you have to just do them, even if you don't always feel like it. It;s easier said than done, I know. But if it's something you really want to do, or at least remember really wanting to do, then its worth it. *hugs* I just hope you get to feeling better.

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Thank you, Hannah. Sometimes it feels like such an unfair choice to have to make, but most of the time I feel like the medicine is steadily making me better. So I'm sticking with it, hoping that I can learn how this new me works and come to peace with it all.

      Radera
  20. I hope that what fills the sadness-void is the choice to focus on bringing your passions back. *hugs*

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. My passions are coming back, slowly but (hopefully) surely. Thank you.

      Radera
  21. Oh, yea....speaking of health &/or life issues doesn't ruin my holidays or holydays. I think of you as a multi dimensional person, not a paper doll. & people have downs alongside the ups.

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. I really love this comment of yours, but I left these things out temporarily mostly for my own sake. I longed for Halloween, and I wanted to make the most of it (even if it took every thing out of me). But thank you for saying so, it is very supporting!

      Radera
  22. Life after Halloween is always a bit difficult I think. In Canada we have thanksgiving early-mid October. Here in the UK the next big celebration is the fifth of November, then it is dead until Christmas.

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. I really hope November will be soothing and quick - for both of us.

      Radera

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