2014-06-01

A little truth



First of all, my little furry boy is doing better. Thank all of you for your
sweet words and best wishes. He threw up a couple of times, probably finally
getting rid of whatever wasn't sitting right with him. Then he drank more water
than I've ever seen him drink. Then he slept. When he woke up this morning
he was almost himself again and he's been improving all day.


Now on to the other stuff:

Some of you have commented on how happy I sound since my man
is back, and you aren't wrong. I have been sounding happy, and on the top layer
of my soul I have been happy. But that doesn't mean that my clinical depression,
general anxiety and misanthropy are gone. It doesn't mean that I don't cry
almost every day, or that I don't still have a gaping screaming hole inside.

To some of you this might sound teen angsty but there are conditions
that just never go away, that can't be fixed by a cookie and a smile,
or ignored by "bucking up". I live with emotional pain every second
of every day, at times it's smaller - and sometimes it's unmanageable.

The reason for me writing this is that I don't want this blog to take a wrong turn.
I don't want to feel like I, from now on, have to put on a brave face
and censor myself. It is very important to me to be true to myself
and I created this blog as a place for me to be able to do just that.
I need to be able to share all my sides - not just the shiny ones.

So, thank you all for being happy with me and for celebrating my triumphs.
But also for being there when I am weak, for continuing to lending me
your ear when I am stuck in the dark pit. You are some great friends.




 




25 kommentarer:

  1. Glad Himself is feeling better. People mouthing platitudes help me when I'm down/upset/frustrated as they give me something to focus my angst on...them!

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. I wish I could do that, it would really help!

      Radera
  2. If you were bright and cheerful all the damn time, I'd probably have to quit reading your blog, Ms. Misantropia. I relate more to the angst. ;)

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Hey, don't get me wrong ... I love it when you're happy, too!

      Radera
    2. Depressed soup with happy croûtons - it's the way we "like" it ;)

      Radera
  3. I like you entirely for who you are. When good things happen in life, like your love returning to you, it doesn't mean that every other thing in your life is instantly perfect. Especially for someone who suffers from depression or anxiety. I don't talk about it too much on my blog but I suffer from moderate generalized anxiety disorder, with mild obsessive compulsive tendencies. These are things that never go away, I understand completely. No matter how good life is going, these are things we still have to deal with on a daily basis. Worries are never gone, even though some things do work out. But I guess that's life. Don't worry I knew you weren't becoming all sunshine and daisies ;) Doesn't make you any less of an awesome person. I'll take real over happy-go-lucky fakery any day.

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Thank you and agreed, can't stand fakery. I work every day to be more true to myself and in life.

      Radera
  4. I don't believe anyone's truly happy 100% of the time.
    I do prefer to read about true character.
    Just be yourself, we already love you for who you are my dear :)

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Sweetest Yvonne, thank you. I'm so curious about what's coming in the mail :)

      Radera
  5. That's alright, don't worry; unfortunately or not, we all know, that one good thing can't turn everything into rainbows and marshmallows and we don't even expect you to pretend that. Whether you're happy, whether you need someone to listen, we're here for you. ^^

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Thank you, Lynoire. Though I could certainly use a bit more rainbows and marshmallows :)

      Radera
  6. Just be yourself, dear. We love you just as you are. :-)
    blessings
    ~*~

    SvaraRadera
  7. No idea if my last comment posted or not, Blogger said there was an error.

    Glad furbaby is ok.

    I think it's great to be able to admit how you feel. You shouldn't have to hide it. Sometimes talking about it helps a bit. You are awesome no matter what! :)

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Thank you very much Laura.

      No other post from you, so probably some kind of error.

      Radera
  8. An ear, and a shoulder I have and I offer them both to you :)
    ...:)...
    blessings

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Shoulders are the best. Despite their physique they can be so very soft and comforting.

      Radera
  9. It is of course okay... I wrote once that blog post about blogging positively, which doesn't mean you are not true to yourself.. but at the same time we cannot be happy and content always, there are things which can make us sad and annoy us and make us feel lonely.. almost every day (also considering my current hormonal change) I can feel any of them, and I cry too when I want to... nothing bad in this, but you need to have someone who can help you to go through this tough times. We are and your man is there! Take care!

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. It's really good to hear that I have people to listen and help me through, thank you. I hope your hormones even themselves out a bit soon.

      Radera
  10. Happy for the kitty!

    Love, putting on any kind of face that doesn't reflect what's inside helps no one. I'm glad you know that, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. I'm extremely happy that you are getting your share of up moments. I bet they make the down ones less horrible, even if they won't go away. We are celebrating the good (and by "we" I mean "me), and when the not so good shows its angry/sad/annoyed/frustrated face, we'll be here for you, too.

    Be the best you, you can be. I know it sounds cheesy. But every now and again, it's actually true. ♥

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Thank you, Magaly. Yes it's cheesy and totally true. And just very recently I have come to understand that I have not been as true to myself as I need to be, so that is something I am working on.

      Radera
  11. I'm glad that your kitty is feel better! that's really great news!
    I use my blog to vent, to celebrate, and to talk about whatever I feel like talking about and always, always I worry that I sound weak and whiny. I deal with emotional and physical issues and sometimes, writing a blog post is the only way to get it out and take back some control. I really do understand, from my end at least. Besides, life is ups and down, good and bad, feelings included. It;s okay, don't worry. I can't do much but I can offer encouragement and silly electronic hugs. Besides, if you really think of it this way, you're actually a very brave young woman. I think it really takes strength to tell people what's really going on.

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Thank you, it's good to know others feel and do the same.

      And thanks for calling me a "brave young woman", butI'm probably the same age as you - or older :)

      Radera
  12. You know, I feel like I need to make a shirt with a message like this or maybe posters to give to friends that often times seem to forget that just because someone with depression or another disorder goes through bright patches doesn't mean that illness isn't still inside. I don't let it define me or rule my life, but I DO live and coexist with it and it's never going to go anywhere, so it's a bit frustrating when people are surprised when it comes back on. Or when you've been having a lovely happy-go-lucky streak and it comes to an end and people go "Why are you sad? You have no reason to be. What about all those unicorn farts and rainbows you just had going on?"

    Thank you for your honesty and for putting this announcement out there. Hiding the darker parts of ourselves doesn't benefit anyone; it only hurts people in the long run.

    That said, I've been enjoying all your happiness all the same! When a friend is having a great time of things, it makes me grin.

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Very well said, Danni. I'm glad to hear from others who experience the same.

      Give me a shout if you ever make those shirts ;)

      Radera

Lately I have been falling behind answering comments, for many reasons. But I read and cherish all of them! Your comments make my day, yay!

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